Shitty Beef or Hacking Chinese Buffets

I think we are all aware of the tremendous risk one takes at eating crappy Chinese food buffet.

Alas, the lure of sugar and salt coated MSG super-fun-happy-yum-yum-beef or deep-fried-chicken-in-technicolor-sauce is just too strong.

So how do you get more bang for your buck at Chinese food restaurants?

Go For Lunch. On weekends, I make lunch out my biggest meal, then have a light supper in the evening. Cheaper prices, less crowd, and the food is fresher (if it ever was to begin with).

Make It A Day. Sometimes when the stress of being stuck at home or in the office is just too much, I'll telecommute from the Chinese Food Buffet. I'll start at lunch, stay forever (drinking water/tea and eating lil' desserts and fruit) then when the crowds start to gather for dinner, have my final epic feast. The whole time, I'm working from my laptop and using local wifi.

Drink Unsweet Tea. The problem with cheap Chinese is that it is salty and sugary. Drinking soda will only make it worse. "But Patrick," you ask, "you have to PAY for the drink. Why not have water instead?" Because at most Chinese food places, they actually build in the price of the drink with the meal. You end up getting water because you are a true Snack Hacker, but alas, you could have gotten whatever you wanted. Just check first. Unsweet tea has caffeine, which stimulate appetite!

This post brought to you by Jill and Patrick, because they are fat kids.

Welcome To Snack Hacks!

Welcome to Snack Hacks, the only website dedicated to making food your bitch!

Here you'll find out how to eat like a Pimp on a Ho's budget. Snack Hacks will show you how to get free food from restaurants, make off like a bandit at the grocery store, cook gourmet meals in the microwave and otherwise hack your way to a full stomach.

Three creative, hungry people put this blog together:

Name: Victoria

Profession: Student (yeah, right)

Favorite Activities: Pretending to be a penguin, buying Free People and C&C California clothes, Playing Wii

Favorite Snacks: All snacks! Victoria is an equal opportunity snacker

Favorite Hacks:  Free fries at McDonalds on Tuesdays, thirty second fudge, deep frying everything!

Snack Hacks Quote: "You can get anything you want for free. All you have to do is ask...and have cute bangs!"

Name: Jill

Profession: Student (an actual one)

Favorite Activities: Making felt Ninjas for her Etsy page, going on dates with foreign men, knitting

Favorite Snacks: Fifty cent boxed macaroni and cheese, "Two Buck Chuck" merlot and vegetarian stuff

Favorite Hacks: Making gallons of chili for nothing, hacking "ethnic" grocery stores, importing beer via foreign boyfriends

Snack Hacks Quotes: "I can tell you, to the cent, how much money I have spent on groceries. I have an excel spreadsheet for that shit."

Name: Patrick

Profession: Musician/Interior Decorator

Favorite Activities: Getting free stuff from Craigslist, Googling everything, making 1AM trips to Wendy's

Favorite Snacks: Jewish chicken liver on rye bread, hot dogs at Ikea, anything his mother cooks

Favorite Hacks: Free salads at Fudruckers, hacking Chinese food buffets, making one chicken last a week

Snack Hack Quote: "You have to learn from peasants how to cook. Americans are lucky...we have too much food. Learn how to cook Indian, Jewish, Chinese, Mexican and you'll learn how to hack food."

Thanks for visiting and happy eating!