Friday, February 27, 2009

Shitty Beef or Hacking Chinese Buffets

















I think we are all aware of the tremendous risk one takes at eating crappy Chinese food buffet.

Alas, the lure of sugar and salt coated MSG super-fun-happy-yum-yum-beef or deep-fried-chicken-in-technicolor-sauce is just too strong.

So how do you get more bang for your buck at Chinese food restaurants?

Go For Lunch. On weekends, I make lunch out my biggest meal, then have a light supper in the evening. Cheaper prices, less crowd, and the food is fresher (if it ever was to begin with).

Make It A Day. Sometimes when the stress of being stuck at home or in the office is just too much, I'll telecommute from the Chinese Food Buffet. I'll start at lunch, stay forever (drinking water/tea and eating lil' desserts and fruit) then when the crowds start to gather for dinner, have my final epic feast. The whole time, I'm working from my laptop and using local wifi.

Drink Unsweet Tea. The problem with cheap Chinese is that it is salty and sugary. Drinking soda will only make it worse. "But Patrick," you ask, "you have to PAY for the drink. Why not have water instead?" Because at most Chinese food places, they actually build in the price of the drink with the meal. You end up getting water because you are a true Snack Hacker, but alas, you could have gotten whatever you wanted. Just check first. Unsweet tea has caffeine, which stimulate appetite!

This post brought to you by Jill and Patrick, because they are fat kids.


Thursday, February 26, 2009

Starbucks Hacking: DIY Latte, Short Cappuccinos, Free Flavored Iced Coffee



 






















Three easy Starbucks Hacks...

Short Cappuccino: we learned this one from Slate Magazine (BTW, that image above is their property...oops). A stronger, cheaper tasting cappuccino than the rest, WhoreBucks aficionados know about the Short Cappuccino. Same as a regular cappuccino, just...well...stronger. Note from Victoria: some Starbucks don't have it on their keycode, and no keycode means no short cappuccino. Target Starbucks had them, but the ones at Barnes and Noble (which aren't actually Starbucks) don't.

DIY Latte: A latte is a cappuccino with steamed milk...simple as that. But all the steaming does is keep the milk hot. It barely changes the texture at all. So order yourself a Short Cappuccino and ask for it in a Grande cup (so it wont spill out while you drink it.) Run over to the milk/sugar station and add some Half and Half. Now you have a latte!

Free Flavored Iced Latte: same technique as the DIY Latte. Only you ask for a Venti cup. Also, ask for a water cup with ice because there isn't any in the water pitcher (there never is). While the coffee is still hot, add tons of sugar and one of the flavored powders they always have (cinnamon, vanilla, cocoa). Mix well, then top off with milk. Then take the ice from the water cup and pour it into the drink.

Make sure they don't catch you doing it, or they'll make you order one of those terrible biscotti they always have on the counter.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Sunday may be the Lord's day...














...but at Kroger, it's also the best day for cake!

On Sunday evenings, all the baked goods are marked 50% off. And if you like to buy your carbs in bulk, everything freezes super well.

So life is good at your neighborhood Kroger store, and certainly better than Winn Dixie...and especially if you are a cross dressing truck driver
-Victoria

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Fuddruckers Free Salad and Cheeseburgers!

If you've ever been to a Fuddruckers, you know the burgers are ridiculously expensive. The upside to a $7 Yuppie Burger? The all-you-can-eat condiment bar, bitches!!

Stroll the epic mounds of fresh produce including whole AND shredded lettuce. Feel like a fiesta? There's enough pico de gallo to feed all the Mexican grill staff's family for a week! All kinds of pickles and peppers as well as two kinds of onions and massive tomatoes make the chiller section an amazing feast.

Turn around and you'll find the sauciest of sauces. We're talking ultra gourmet stuff like ketchup, mayo, two kinds of mustard, various hot sauces, steak sauce, bbq sauce and even a vat of nacho cheese sauce will drown your burger in flavor.

So much to hack!

Free Cheeseburger

The obvious one: why pay for a cheeseburger when there's nacho cheese for free? Order the basic burger and pour that shit on!

Free Salad

With all that produce, you can make amazing salads. After you get your food, just ask the nice person at the counter for an extra basket. If you feel like justifying it, just say you want it for "sharing". Run over to the condiment bar and fill up! My favorite recipes include...

El Cheapo Salad - lettuce, pico de gallo, hot peppers and a dressing made of salt, pepper, mayo and a little bbq sauce

The Caesar-ian Section - lettuce, tomato, crackers and mock Caesar dressing made from lemon juice, mayo, pepper, A1 and garlic salt

Crazy Jewish Guy - (Patrick's favorite) lettuce, tomato, red onion, and Russian dressing made from relish, mayo and ketchup

The Fat American - lettuce, relish, pico de gallo, honey mustard dressing, salt

Remember: you PAID for the meat, but the condiments are free!!!!! -Patrick-

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Welcome To Snack Hacks!

Welcome to Snack Hacks, the only website dedicated to making food your bitch!

Here you'll find out how to eat like a Pimp on a Ho's budget. Snack Hacks will show you how to get free food from restaurants, make off like a bandit at the grocery store, cook gourmet meals in the microwave and otherwise hack your way to a full stomach.

Three creative, hungry people put this blog together:

































Name: Victoria

Profession: Student (yeah, right)

Favorite Activities: Pretending to be a penguin, buying Free People and C&C California clothes, Playing Wii

Favorite Snacks: All snacks! Victoria is an equal opportunity snacker

Favorite Hacks:  Free fries at McDonalds on Tuesdays, thirty second fudge, deep frying everything!

Snack Hacks Quote: "You can get anything you want for free. All you have to do is ask...and have cute bangs!"


































Name: Jill

Profession: Student (an actual one)

Favorite Activities: Making felt Ninjas for her Etsy page, going on dates with foreign men, knitting

Favorite Snacks: Fifty cent boxed macaroni and cheese, "Two Buck Chuck" merlot and vegetarian stuff

Favorite Hacks: Making gallons of chili for nothing, hacking "ethnic" grocery stores, importing beer via foreign boyfriends

Snack Hacks Quotes: "I can tell you, to the cent, how much money I have spent on groceries. I have an excel spreadsheet for that shit."


































Name: Patrick

Profession: Musician/Interior Decorator

Favorite Activities: Getting free stuff from Craigslist, Googling everything, making 1AM trips to Wendy's

Favorite Snacks: Jewish chicken liver on rye bread, hot dogs at Ikea, anything his mother cooks

Favorite Hacks: Free salads at Fudruckers, hacking Chinese food buffets, making one chicken last a week

Snack Hack Quote: "You have to learn from peasants how to cook. Americans are lucky...we have too much food. Learn how to cook Indian, Jewish, Chinese, Mexican and you'll learn how to hack food."




Thanks for visiting and happy eating!