Shitty Beef or Hacking Chinese Buffets

I think we are all aware of the tremendous risk one takes at eating crappy Chinese food buffet.

Alas, the lure of sugar and salt coated MSG super-fun-happy-yum-yum-beef or deep-fried-chicken-in-technicolor-sauce is just too strong.

So how do you get more bang for your buck at Chinese food restaurants?

Go For Lunch. On weekends, I make lunch out my biggest meal, then have a light supper in the evening. Cheaper prices, less crowd, and the food is fresher (if it ever was to begin with).

Make It A Day. Sometimes when the stress of being stuck at home or in the office is just too much, I'll telecommute from the Chinese Food Buffet. I'll start at lunch, stay forever (drinking water/tea and eating lil' desserts and fruit) then when the crowds start to gather for dinner, have my final epic feast. The whole time, I'm working from my laptop and using local wifi.

Drink Unsweet Tea. The problem with cheap Chinese is that it is salty and sugary. Drinking soda will only make it worse. "But Patrick," you ask, "you have to PAY for the drink. Why not have water instead?" Because at most Chinese food places, they actually build in the price of the drink with the meal. You end up getting water because you are a true Snack Hacker, but alas, you could have gotten whatever you wanted. Just check first. Unsweet tea has caffeine, which stimulate appetite!

This post brought to you by Jill and Patrick, because they are fat kids.