Fourth Grade Science Class and French Fries

In fourth grade, we learned that oil is lighter than water. I applied this knowledge to make crappy frozen fries taste like your favorite fast food potatoes.

Frozen bag potatoes are always mushy. Always. That's because the fine people at J.R. Simplot Incorporated (the largest manufacturer of potato food products) think you are too retarded to follow good instructions.

The secret is in the correct application of heat...

Preheat your oven 25 degrees higher than the directions. Stick your baking sheet in there with it.

Once you reach temperature, toss those fries on the hot baking sheet. Set your timer for about three minutes longer than the directions day (for me, this means 450 degrees for ten minutes).

Once your timer goes off, pull those puppies out and salt them to DEATH! Fast food fries have lots of salt...that's the big culinary secret. You'll notice the fries are paste colored and soggy. Don't worry..we're gonna fix that.

Now turn your oven on to BROIL and stick those salty fries on the top rack. Broil them for a minute or so at a time, frequently checking to make sure you don't burn them. Toss them around a bit, too, so they get even crispness.

That's all there is to it!

The trick is getting as much of the water out of the potato as possible. When you bake the potatoes on a room temperature pan, all the water gets everywhere and the potatoes essentially boil in the oven. By throwing them on a HOT pan, you quickly evaporate the water. What's left is the vegetable oil they are coated in when they are flash frozen at the Potato Factory. Broiling gives you the hottest heat possible in the most direct way, so you are deep frying the potatoes without the mess. Also, the only way you can season something that is deep fried is while there is a generous amount of oil on it, so pre-seasoning the fries makes them taste better. The salt also helps dehydrate the potato for more crunch!